Rodney's Day
by Talyn10
Summary: Rodney has a very alarming day...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right"

"What the…?" Rodney thought fuzzily as he reluctantly tried to pry open his gritty eyes. His mouth felt like he'd chewed on something that was furry and long deceased. Some of his limbs seemed to be missing, or maybe just numb, he wasn't sure which. Slowly his brain started to wonder why he was hearing his own voice saying the same thing over and over again.

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right"

"Can I tell myself to shut up?" he muttered still trying to come to grips with whom, and where he was. Tingling was coming from his extremities… good that meant they were still there. He seemed to be uninjured; he wasn't in the med lab with Carson hanging over him so he was okay. Or maybe he was lying on the floor somewhere, dying, and no-one knew. His heart jolted and adrenaline started rushing as he sat up abruptly.

His blurred vision told him that he was in his quarters, sitting fully dressed on his bed. Finally the brain caught up. Three days of concentrated work, long hours, late nights… lots of coffee… staggering into his quarters in the early hours, too tired to remove clothes and then oblivion.

"I need coffee NOW." Rodney whimpered as he tried to ignore his own voice constantly repeating.

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right" … "Of course I'm right. I'm always right"

"Okay, now I'm really becoming annoying" Rodney snarled, then a sheepish expression crossed his face as he thought about what he'd just said. He looked around to make sure no-one else had overheard him. Then he tried to figure out where his voice was coming from. He could see nothing obvious so he began quartering his room trying to locate the source by sound. After a minute he found the voice – his voice - was loudest near his alarm clock. Right next to the clock, and attached to it by two short wires, was a small device emitting the noise.

"Aha!" he cried in triumph as he yanked on the wires and silenced the annoying repetition. Holding the device up and examining it, he pondered who could have placed it in his room… "Hm, there could be quite a number of suspects who'd like to make my life a misery, starting with Zelenka, Kavanagh, Kusanagi, or maybe Heightmeyer – it would be just like her. The list with all probability ends with Zelenka." He thought about the usual suspects for a while and then grinned evilly, "Zelenka!" he exclaimed.

I bet Radek did it because he is still annoyed about what I did to his laptop, Rodney chortled to himself. The little 'adjustment' he'd made to Radek's computer was a constant amusement, since no matter what Radek did, he could not get rid of the extra program Rodney had installed.

Still with a smirk on his face Rodney transferred the device into a desk drawer that held quite a few other assorted bits and pieces of equipment. He slammed the drawer shut with satisfaction before heading to the shower and contemplating revenge.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Usually Rodney was oblivious to other people, especially when he was thinking about work –which was most of the time. However something about the people in the commissary was intruding upon his self absorption. He kept his head down over his breakfast, but casually darted glances around trying to figure out what it was about their behaviour that bothered him. As usual everyone was ignoring him as he'd made it plain some time ago that he preferred to work while he was eating. Social chit chat was a waste of his valuable time. Though he did seek and enjoy company when there wasn't something urgent that needed fixing, this lately didn't seem all that often. However they seemed to be taking it to extremes today and were leaving him in isolation while everyone clustered about on the opposite side of the room. He scanned faces for someone that he could casually chat with, but the few he did feel comfortable with seemed to be facing in the opposite direction as if avoiding his gaze.

Perhaps something was happening today that he hadn't heard about, everyone did seem a little excited though they were also a bit unnatural as if trying to pretend it wasn't happening. Rodney shook his head, he would never understand people. If he didn't have a heavy work schedule again today he might have wandered over and joined in.

"Dr McKay?" One of the people he did recognise came over to his table.

"Ah… yes?" Rodney replied while trying to remember her name.

"Dr Beckett said he needed to see you straight away" The woman told him then she turned towards the door and left the room before he could remember her name or ask any questions.

Finishing his breakfast he decided, for once to do as Carson wanted. He could put off his work for a few minutes and head to the med lab in the hope of interrogating Carson about the odd behaviour he had witnessed. Beckett usually knew most of what was happening on Atlantis and could be relied upon to 'spill the beans'.

"Ah Rodney" Beckett exclaimed in that tone of voice that said 'I have something for you that you might not like'.

"Hello Carson."

Carson opened his mouth to say something more.

"No I do not have time for you to poke and prod me today. I am just passing through and I have a lot of work to get done." Rodney quickly managed to get it all out before Beckett had a chance to utter a sound.

"Actually that was the wee thing I meant to talk to you about." Beckett said seriously.

"Uh huh?" Rodney replied, knowing that when Carson started sounding more Scottish than usual it meant that he was either under pressure or having a bit of a joke.

"You've been working too hard lately Rodney" Carson scolded, "You need to have some rest otherwise you are going to collapse." As Rodney opened his mouth to reply Carson continued

"When you do, you will be in here with me. I have restraints all ready and waiting to keep you quiet for as long as I decide!"

"I'll rest as soon as I've finished" Rodney replied quickly and seeing the look on Beckett's face he went on, "It shouldn't take me much longer, just another day or so. Besides, I'm not working, I'm here talking to you aren't I?" he smirked. "Just what the doctor ordered."

"Actually what the doctor ordered is a day off work" Beckett crossed his arms and frowned.

"Oh come on Carson!" Rodney exclaimed, "I can't take a whole day off. Not now, I'm in the middle of running a system wide diagnostic and I have to keep an eye on the results. If anything isn't working I have to fix it now."

"Well then, what about Zelenka or one of the other scientists keeping an eye on it for you?"

"Oh yeah, right, as if I could trust any of them to do it properly!" Rodney exclaimed with disdain. "Zelenka would do his own thing, and probably write the program in Czech so no-one can understand it. Kavanagh wouldn't understand anything and just spend his time whingeing. Kusanagi would offer to do it but it is way over her head, and she'd only be polite to any problems rather than fixing them. I need to have someone watching while I get some sleep, but I do that only when it is not a vital system." He snorted in disgust. "You might as well put three year olds in charge of the Manhattan Project".

"What!" Beckett reared back in alarm, "You're surely not playing around with atomic bombs?"

"No, no, but that is the level of what I am trying to do. It isn't dangerous, but potentially it could be disastrous if all our systems aren't working properly the next time the Wraith come for a tea party." Rodney brushed off Carson's alarm. "We have been trying to integrate our systems with the Ancient technology, and it is more than a bit patchy. I don't want to have to rely on them if something goes wrong. So I am rewriting a lot of our programs to integrate more smoothly and seamlessly with Atlantis technology. We really need to be able to properly use what we have, or it could mean serious trouble." Rodney's voice had grown louder and risen towards the end of his speech.

"Oh aye Rodney" Beckett said soothingly, "I can see you are doing very important work, even if I dinnae understand it. But you have to take some time off for yourself before you burn out. Look at yourself today, your eyes are bloodshot and your skin is very pasty. Not a healthy look"

"Okay, yeah, I know I have been pushing the limits lately" Rodney admitted reluctantly "but I really have to watch everything while this diagnostic is being run. If I don't catch it straight away, there won't be a window to run such a comprehensive diagnostic again for months, or longer."

"Alright then Rodney, but try to take it a bit easier." Beckett gave in, "After you have finished I expect you to have a few days off" he admonished.

"Yeah I will Carson, provided no-one starts shooting at us, or trying to kill me before I get an opportunity to relax." Rodney noted cynically as he turned to leave the med lab.

"Carson?" Rodney stopped to ask. "What's going on today? Do you know anything?"

Beckett looked quite startled. "What do you mean Rodney?"

"Oh I don't know, just people seemed to be acting a bit strange today, like something is going to happen." Rodney was a bit puzzled by Carson's response.

"Nothing is happening that I know about." Carson stated quite firmly.

"Oh. Okay." Rodney dismissed the idea that he had somehow startled Beckett. "I'll see you later." He said as he turned and left.

Carson Beckett watched him go with relief. Rodney had nearly caught him out with that question. Shaking his head Carson triggered his radio which was tuned to a different channel than normal.

"I couldn't get him to take the day off. He says he has to keep an eye on the diagnostics." He listened for a moment to the response. "Okay. I'll do my best, but you'd better post someone to keep an eye on him at all times."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

As he walked towards one of the labs Rodney looked down at the small parcel he had picked up from his room. It was strange that he'd actually brought it to Atlantis with him, especially since they were allowed only have a limited amount of personal gear. However the decision was now going to pay off.

"Ah, Zelenska!" Rodney exclaimed as he walked into the lab and saw Dr Radek Zelenka sitting at one of the workstations.

"Zelenka! I am Czech, not Polish Rodney, as you know well." Zelenka spoke in a patient voice.

"Not sure I know the difference" he said, then as he could see that Zelenka was about to tell him he finished with "or care!"

"Hmph!" Zelenka snorted. "You need more sleep and better manners"

"Actually I have a present for you Radek" Rodney smiled.

Zelenka looked up at him startled. "Now Rodney." He cautioned. "You cannot do anything around this equipment, you could damage something."

"What are you talking about Radek?" Rodney asked with an innocent look. "I have a little something for you in appreciation of all your hard work on this diagnostic." He continued. "It has been a relief to me knowing that you can keep an eye on things when I am sleeping. I managed to get a few hours sleep and awoke refreshed this morning, thanks to you."

Zelenka was looking positively alarmed "Ah, good. That is good." He swallowed.

"Yep, so I thought you might like this" he placed the parcel on the table next to Radek's laptop. "Go on." he urged, "open it now."

"Yes, thank you Rodney" Zelenka replied as he carefully reached for the parcel in the manner of one who expects something very unpleasant.

Carefully opening the parcel a small piece at a time Zelenka was pleasantly surprised to find that it was an innocent t-shirt, olive green with stylised writing across the front.

"It is very nice Rodney, thank you."

"It is my pleasure Radek. I thought you might like a genuine Canadian t-shirt. I am sorry it doesn't have a maple leaf on it, but I hope you will wear it." He looked so hopeful as he said it.

"Of course Rodney, I would be honoured." Zelenka responded.

He could not figure out what had gone wrong with his little surprise for Rodney this morning, perhaps Rodney had disabled the alarm before going to bed. That could be the only reasonable scenario to explain McKay's attitude this morning.

"Now that you are here Rodney, I must go and see Dr Weir" Zelenka stood up, carefully remembering to pick up his t-shirt.

"Okay." Rodney responded absent-mindedly, already immersed in the work on his screen.

Zelenka recognised the signs and sighed with relief. Hopefully Rodney would become so absorbed in his work that he wouldn't notice anything different going on around Atlantis today.

He left the room and headed for Dr Weir's office near the gate room.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

Rodney hummed off-key as he went through the diagnostic protocols of the previous hours. Zelenka had actually done a very good job of fixing the few problems that had occurred, at odds with what he'd said to Beckett.

However Radek had programmed one protocol that which looked rather convoluted. Rodney studied it further, but found he was none the wiser as to its functionality. He lifted his head and looked around, then realised that he was on his own. He remembered vaguely that Radek had said he was going to see Dr Weir. After a few seconds of thought Rodney decided to go find him and sort out the question straight away rather than wait.

He was deep in thought as he approached Weir's office. When he was about to knock and enter he became aware of voices.

"What am I going to tell him?" Elizabeth Weir asked with exasperation, her voice slightly elevated.

"I do not know." Zelenka replied, "Tell him anything. Tell him Atlantis depends upon him. He will be big hero."

"He won't swallow that!"

"He has big head already. He will probably believe it." Zelenka replied.

"What do you think John?" Elizabeth asked

"I can just shoot him, or hit him over the head and drag his unconscious body through the gate" John Sheppard sounded serious.

"Ah, maybe Dr Beckett could give him something." Zelenka asked hopefully.

"Whatever we do he is going to whinge about it for months afterwards. I know I will never hear the end of it." Elizabeth sounded resigned.

The conversation stunned Rodney. What and who were they talking about. Surely it couldn't be about him?

"Whatever you do must be done soon" Zelenka announced with determination.

"Yeah, I'll sort something out even if I have to drag Kavanagh kicking and screaming through the gate." Sheppard sounded grim but resolved.

Ah, not about him after all, Rodney thought with relief. Then he wondered why they wanted to get Kavanagh off world? He doubted if he would be of any use on a mission. Besides it was his team, he was the scientist. Okay, so maybe he was up to his ears at the moment, but they should hold the mission until he was ready, not take Kavanagh.

He realised he'd lost track of the conversation while he was thinking. It sounded as though they were finishing the meeting and he decided it would be best if he was elsewhere. Rodney turned and went back the way he'd come. Then retraced his steps just as the office door opened.

"McKay" exclaimed Zelenka with some surprise. He turned and looked at Weir and Sheppard behind him with some consternation.

"Radek, I need you to explain one of the protocols you programmed last night" demanded Rodney, his mind back on his work.

"Ah yes" With some relief Zelenka realised McKay was only concerned with work and had probably not registered anything else. Still… He turned his head towards Weir and raised an eyebrow; she nodded back to him in return.

Zelenka moved to McKay's side and began to rapidly explain what he had done while he steered them both back to the lab.

Behind them, just outside the office, Weir and Sheppard exchanged glances before heading off together in the opposite direction.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Half an hour later Rodney sighed in frustration. One of the programmes on the computer in the gate room was not allowing him to change a subroutine remotely. He would have to go and fix it at the source.

Muttering as he stepped out of the lab he strode rapidly along the corridors. Nearing the gate room he was still so engrossed with his thoughts that the yelling didn't immediately gain his attention.

He entered the back of the control area to see everyone standing near the railing watching what was happening on the floor of the gate room. No one was at the consoles to notice him.

"Let go of me you big ape." yelled Kavanagh.

"Try walking on your own then, in the right direction" Sheppard snarled back at him, whilst dragging Kavanagh by the back of his fatigues towards the open stargate.

"I know what you are all trying to do." screamed Kavanagh becoming more hysterical. "It is all a plot, a conspiracy." He threw himself around, hair swinging wildly, but was unable to dislodge Sheppard's grasp.

"Be quiet ponytail, or I will shut you up and drag your limp ass through the gate." Sheppard had just about had enough of the idiot scientist.

"You are all in on it. You are trying to get rid of me so I won't tell……..aghhh!" He screamed as Sheppard picked him up by collar and britches and threw him into the gate.

Sheppard stood wiping his hands for a minute before turning and giving Weir, who was on the balcony, a jaunty salute. He then stepped casually through the gate following his victim.

As everyone turned away from the scene and back towards their consoles, they became aware of Rodney. Elizabeth hurried over to intercept him.

"Rodney! What are you doing here? Does Zelenka know you are here?"

For some reason Rodney felt a bit perturbed. The people he'd encountered today seemed to be acting out of character.

"I just have to fix one of the subroutines on the main control console." He replied casually, with an innocent smile. He felt it might be better to pretend ignorance of the recent events. "It won't take me a minute or two."

He spent a few minutes in the control room, but was glad to leave. Everyone was acting strange. At least computer systems had a reason when they acted differently, and he could fix them. Once back in the lab work absorbed and soothed him, so he forgot about his unease.

Earlier Radek had explained his work on the protocols and Rodney had to admit, to himself, that it wasn't a bad solution. Of course he would have done it differently and naturally it would have been better.

Rodney smirked to himself as he remembered Radek's reaction to his laptop, when it had again carried out the program Rodney had put in. It had been almost a week now, and he still enjoyed the prank. It was really amusing to watch.

The next time Rodney raised his head from his work and stretched he realised he was hungry, and more coffee wouldn't hurt. It must be past lunchtime. He'd just finish this last encryption and then would wander down to the commissary for some food.

As he stood, stretched and turned around Rodney became aware of an airman standing at ease just outside the door.

"Can I help you …?" Rodney enquired.

"No sir, I am here to help you." The airman replied as he moved into the doorway.

"Why?" Rodney asked bluntly.

"Dr Beckett wants to make sure you are looked after, sir. I am here to fetch food, coffee, anything you need."

"That is nice of Carson, but I don't need anyone to fetch and carry for me. I do have two feet of my own, and they are taking me to the mess hall for lunch." Rodney said as he moved towards the door.

For a moment Rodney thought the airman was going to block the doorway and not let him out, but after a few seconds, and a very dirty look directed his way, the airman moved aside.

"Sir, the mess hall is closed. If there is anything you want I can get it for you, save you the trouble."

Rodney stopped and stared, "What do you mean closed. It is always open around the clock."

"I am sorry sir, but they had to close it today, there was some problem. Dr Z is looking into it."

"He is? Why Zelenka? Is he secretly a chef or something? While he is working on protocols he just happens to put together a nice little Trout Almondine? Or whatever the Czech national dish might be." He snapped irritably.

"I think it is something to do with roasted pork, cabbage and dumplings, sir."

Rodney turned and started to walk away "I don't care if it is pink elephant with sausage. I am going to see what is going on."

The airman watched him go and then tapped his radio. "He is headed your way. I couldn't stop him.

Sorry, I let slip Dr Z was involved."


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

Rodney thumped on the commissary doors. "Hey, come on, open up." He yelled. "I'm hungry"

"Sir, I can get you anything you would like to eat." The airman repeated patiently. "If you go back to the lab I will deliver it there straight away."

Rodney thumped on the doors again. "Open up."

"Sir"

"Look, I don't want you to bring me something. I want to get my own food." Rodney snarled. "Why don't you go back to the lab and I will bring you something as soon as I get in these doors?"

"Thank you, sir. I'm fine"

Rodney gave the door another thump, but it was half-hearted. His fists were getting tender. Deciding that enough was enough he started for the manual override which was behind the wall panel to his right.

"Sorry sir, I can't allow you to access the manual controls" the airman stated calmly as he placed himself in front of the panel.

"Look, whatever your name is, I am the head scientist on Atlantis and I can do whatever I darn well please!"

"It's Dixon, sir."

"Okay Dixon, are you going to move?" Rodney looked up at the airman, and considered his options. The man in front of him was a rather solid specimen who looked like he spent most of his time in the gym.

"No sir."

"McKay!" Zelenka yelled as he came skidding around the corner in a rush.

"Ah the cavalry has arrived, just in the nick of time" Rodney murmured in an aside to Dixon. The airman just grinned down at him with amusement.

"What is this all about Radek? What is going on? Why can't I get my lunch? Why are the doors locked?" he demanded.

"We have problems with systems in commissary. Not good. Is best to close and fix." Radek said briskly and with authority.

"I could fix it"

"No, no Rodney. Your time is valuable, not for an unimportant problem like this. You go back to the lab, Dixon will get you food. You don't want to waste your time." As he spoke Zelenka was leading McKay back towards his work.

Rodney started to feel again the sense of unease that had plagued him. Something was rotten in the city of Atlantis and he was unable to ignore it any longer. For one, Zelenka wasn't behaving normally, like so many others he'd seen today. Another point, everyone seemed to be determined to keep him isolated in the lab. As he thought about it Kavanagh's words in the gateroom began to gain sinister importance; plot, conspiracy.

"Yeah, okay Radek. I really need to get that diagnostic finished as soon as possible." Rodney was suddenly agreeable. His brain was spinning with possibilities… an alien foothold situation; some kind of mental control he was immune to; funny mushrooms; strange lights in the sky: a scheme to take over Atlantis. Whatever was happening he needed to be co-operative and pretend to go along with them until he could snoop around. Then find a way to fix it.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Questions and options churned about in Rodney's mind as he tried to get a focus on the situation. With his head bent over the laptop, fingers flying on the keypad, he attempted to gain more information. Nothing to explain the state of affairs was available, though he did find that Sheppard's team, presumably with Kavanagh, had already returned from off-world.

Was Sheppard a part of the conspiracy? Perhaps he didn't realise anything strange was going on. When he took Kavanagh through the gate, he might have been doing it on orders from Weir. . . The way Elizabeth was acting, she had certainly been taken over by aliens, or mutated eggplants or something, he thought as he pulled at his hair.

Strangely everyone seemed to be deferring to Zelenka, almost as if he were in charge. Now that was a freaky idea. After considering that for a while Rodney shook his head and decided to concentrate on more important matters; like how to save himself… and then everyone else.

Kavanagh seemed to know something. Which might be why they were trying to get him off Atlantis? There might be more people who hadn't been taken over, he should try to find them, get help. Even geniuses needed help, sometimes.

"Hey Dixon" Rodney called, knowing that the airman was never far away.

"Yes sir?"

"I need coffee and a couple of sandwiches. I still haven't had lunch, and I'm hungry." Rodney complained.

"Okay sir, what sort of sandwiches?" Dixon sounded willing to please.

"Umm, lots of different ones, you know meat, salad, curried egg. That sort of thing." He requested, trying for something that would take a while to prepare.

"I'll get on it right away sir." Dixon obligingly left the lab for the 'supposedly' closed commissary.

Rodney crept to the door and, after ascertaining that there was no-one in sight, he quickly and furtively left the room. He'd make first for Sheppard's quarters and try to determine whether John could be trusted or not.

After finding Sheppard's room empty, Rodney headed for the gym. It wasn't a room he was acquainted with, but he knew where it was. Luckily his knowledge of Atlantis was very comprehensive.

Voices spilling out from the partially open door indicated that there were more than a few people in the gym when he reached the nearby corridor. Cautiously approaching he tried to put names to the voices.

"This is a little difficult" Teyla spoke, clearly needing assistance with something.

"It is becoming a nightmare" John replied, but obviously about something else. "The base has been turned upside down."

There was a muffled yelp and some scuffling that made Rodney curious enough to move closer and peer around the door.

"Can't you shut him up better than that Ronon?" Sheppard asked aggrieved.

Although he could only see a small proportion of the room Rodney was appalled to observe Kavanagh bound and gagged in one corner. Ronon came into sight as he strode over to the tied scientist.

"I could, but you won't let me hurt him" Ronon replied with some disappointment.

Kavanagh stopped moving and tried to shrink into a smaller space as Ronon towered over him.

"If you keep making noise Major Sheppard might just let me practice on you." Ronon said hopefully as he flashed two large knives in a complicated manoeuvre which finished with one knife poised at the tip of Kavanagh's nose and the other just nicking his ear. Kavanagh squeezed his eyes shut with a moan and appeared to faint.

"That should keep him quiet for a while, till he regains consciousness." Ronon stated with satisfaction. He kicked the scientist to make sure he wasn't faking it. "How long does Dr Zelenka want us to keep him out of circulation?"

"Until he tells us to let him go" Sheppard replied. "We don't want him to foul up the plan. We have put a lot of work into this, too much to let him mess it up."

Rodney's heart sank at this indication that John was part of the conspiracy. He didn't realise how much he'd relied on getting Sheppard's help. He crept away trying to think of someone else he could safely contact.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

They were looking for him, Rodney's paranoia insisted, as he crouched in a shadowed doorway of an unused room. There were too many people roaming around the corridors to be a coincidence. They were obviously on alert.

He still couldn't figure out just what was going on, especially as Zelenka seemed to be in charge of what was happening. Poor Radek, he was going to be really upset when he snapped out of whatever it was that controlled him. One thing at least, when Rodney had seen him last Radek was wearing the t-shirt. He allowed himself a brief smile before gathering his strength to continue. He tried not to think of the sandwiches he didn't have a chance to eat. He would need to find some food soon. He uttered a quiet moan and his face crumpled as he realised that coffee was totally out of the question.

After some thought he scuttled out of his hiding spot and headed down the corridor away from the last patrolling pair. He was arguing with himself about whom to trust. It didn't seem likely that Carson would have been missed out by anyone trying to take over the base, but he decided to give the med lab a look-in anyway since it was nearby.

Naturally Carson was coming out the door just as Rodney was building the courage to risk a peek.

"Rodney!" Dr Beckett cried with a combination of relief, worry and indignation. "Where 'n hell have you been laddie?"

"I've just been taking a little walk Carson. You told me not to work so hard, so I took a break." Rodney backed away as he replied, trying to project an earnest expression.

"Fine, Rodney, fine. I am so glad you took my advice." Beckett lowered his voice and spoke in a gentle tone. "Now if you come away inside with me, I'll look after you."

"That's okay Carson, I can look after myself." Rodney continued to back slowly.

"You have to come with me son. Just inside here for a little while." Beckett spoke quietly as he followed, trying not to startle him. He could see Rodney was frazzled and he didn't want to upset him further.

Rodney abruptly came into contact with the wall of the corridor behind him. He tossed a startled look at Beckett, then turned and ran.

"Bugger!" Beckett exclaimed, Zelenka would not be happy with him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

He ran, dodged and skulked around Atlantis for what seemed like hours. Luckily his knowledge of the city enabled him to shake off pursuit, but he was running out of energy and options. Without thinking consciously about it he had made his way back to the labs were he usually spent his time.

Perhaps he might find something to eat around here. He knew that Kusanagi often ate meals in the labs rather than the mess hall, and he knew where she kept her 'secret' stash of chocolate. The thought made his stomach growl with hunger. Luckily water hadn't been a problem, but the lack of food was becoming critical. John could probably go for days without food, doing the whole commando thingy, he thought sourly, but he couldn't.

He had of course tried to get to his own room, where he kept supplies of food and chocolate, but naturally they'd had his room carefully watched. He'd endeavoured to wait them out, getting more and more desperate as he hung around for an opportunity that never occurred. It became too dangerous. Since they hadn't looked like they were going to give up and go away, he had.

Now that it was early evening he hoped Kusanagi wouldn't be in the lab. With a bit of luck she was off making paper cranes or whatever she did in her spare time. He peeped around the door and entered after determining that the lab was uninhabited. There was even a bonus in the form of a plate of sandwiches left behind. Rodney happily stuffed his face, trying to cram as much in as possible and barely chewing.

"Dr McKay!" Kusanagi screamed when she returned to the lab to finish some work that had been disrupted by all the activity.

With a mouth full of food Rodney swung around, spitting crumbs, to see Miko recover from her surprise. She hit the door lock, from the outside of the room. He scrambled for the door, but was too far away. He could see Kusanagi outside, framed by the closing doors as she repeatedly bowed to him with a distressed look on her face.

"So sorry, so sorry!"

By the time the doors reopened he had finished the sandwiches and resigned himself to his fate. He was tired of running and hiding and not eating. If he was lucky they might let him have a last meal, the sandwiches really hadn't been enough and he wanted coffee. It wasn't long before two large airmen came to escort him.

"Hello Dixon"

"Sir. You have been a major inconvenience."

"Sorry about that. If you let me go I promise to be good." He spoke with little hope.

"Please just come with us" Dixon replied firmly. He tapped his radio. "We are bringing Dr McKay in now".

They didn't handcuff him, but they had his upper arms in a very firm grip and force marched him down the corridors to the mess hall. Rodney could see that the doors were now open but the commissary was dark and disturbing. Even the hallway lights near the area were unlit.

Rodney went limp as they approached, leaving the two airmen to change their grasp and carry him with his feet dangling above the floor. He began to thrash about in their grip. The closer they came the more he began to struggle, the feeling of menace from the room making him unable to surrender as easily as he'd thought.

Panting and thrashing about desperately Rodney was carried into the room.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

The lights were turned on and a huge crowd of people yelled "Surprise!!"

"A surprise party? This was all about a surprise party!" Rodney demanded still faint with fright and the end result of terror.

"Here lad, sit down" Beckett hurried forward and gently shoved Rodney into a chair. "You've had a wee bit of a shock"

"Really?" Rodney responded with sarcasm. He sat quietly for a moment trying not to look at the faces around him. He'd been desperately struggling when the lights had come on, and he wasn't sure, but he might have made an unmanly yelp of terror. Trying not to show embarrassment he managed to look at his friends, while ignoring the smirk on Sheppard's face.

"You did all this for me?" he was beginning to overcome his alarm and start to appreciate what he was seeing, instead of what he'd been dreading. He didn't even notice that Beckett was holding his wrist and checking for an elevated pulse rate.

He looked around the mess hall. It was all decorated with balloons, well something approximating balloons anyway. A huge hand painted sign saying 'Happy Birthday Rodney' was hung along the back wall and streamers made from something were dangling happily from the roof. Tables were laden with food while his friends and fellow Atlanteans stood around him smiling.

Elizabeth Weir stepped forward, "Yes Rodney, this is all for you. Happy birthday!" she smiled as everyone echoed the salutation. Then with a pretend frown she continued. "It has been a long day with a lot of hard work and organisation even before you decided to go on the run."

"Yeah, what were you thinking Rodney? It was bad enough that I had to babysit Kavanagh to keep him quiet, but then you took off from the lab just when we were trying to keep the party a surprise." Sheppard demanded sounding mildly aggravated.

"I ah, I thought you'd been taken over. " Rodney said to their astonished faces. "You all had me scared." He admitted with self mockery. "Elizabeth, I was certain you were an alien." Sheppard choked as he tried not to laugh at the look on Weir's face. "Well, you were all acting pretty weird you know. Especially you Radek" he accused.

"Now don't pick on Dr Z" Sheppard drawled, "He's the one who thought up this whole thing and organised everyone."

"Yes" Elizabeth said with a wry smile, "he showed a remarkable ability to organise anyone he decided could be of use."

"A talent many a general would admire." Sheppard added with a lopsided smile at Weir.

"Thank you Radek" Rodney stood up and gave Zelenka a handshake, and holding him by the shoulders he shook him while saying. "Don't ever scare the life out of me again!" Then he grabbed his arm and gave him a friendly grasp. "I am really overwhelmed by this, it is a real surprise." Rodney smiled wryly and managed to avoid looking at Sheppard.

"It is good to have special day with friends" said Zelenka when he was able. He smiled warmly at his colleague, now that Rodney was over his panic. He was indisputably delighted to have brought him so much joy.

Beckett patted Rodney on the shoulder when he let go of Radek, and was startled to be thumped in turn by Rodney who was laughing. "You sneaky Scot, you told me you didn't know anything."

"No Rodney, I told you there wasn't anything going on that I didn't know about!" Beckett lightly punched him back. "Of course I knew about this, Zelenka had recruited me afore anyone else!"

"Then he dragged Elizabeth and myself into his little plot" complained Sheppard.

Teyla who'd been quietly watching spoke up "It did not take long for you to involve Ronon and myself to help" she smiled at Rodney as she slid a sideways look at Sheppard. "May your birth day be blessed." She touched her forehead to Rodney's in the Athosian manner, and then she hugged him.

Ronon stepped forward, and Rodney couldn't help taking a small step backwards as he said "When I thought there was a conspiracy I worked my way to the gym. You had Kavanagh tied up and did some sort of a knife trick on him." He smiled uncertainly.

Roaring with laughter Ronon slapped Rodney on the back hard enough to nearly knock him into Zelenka. "That was the most fun I'd had all day. That puny scientist had been whining the whole time we had him off world. We came back early because of him. Sheppard finally let me tie him up and gag him. I wanted to leave him on the other side of the gate."

"Yeah, we really didn't appreciate the baby sitting assignment" Sheppard shot Zelenka a dirty look.

Zelenka spread his hands and shrugged. "Someone had to keep Kavanagh quiet and away from Rodney. You were best able." He explained with a disarming smile.

"I don't think Dr Kavanagh enjoyed the experience either" mentioned Teyla, as she pointed to where the scientist was sulking, on the opposite side of the room to Ronon.

Kavanagh must have sensed them all looking at him since he turned and sneered in their direction. His bravery didn't last long. When Ronon made a move in his direction, a look of panic came over his face before he clutched his plate of food and ran.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

After the food had been consumed and much gaiety, a small group remained behind as everyone else either went to bed or on duty.

Elizabeth approached Rodney with a small wrapped gift in her hand. "We each wanted to give you something to celebrate your day." She smiled and proffered the gift. "I am afraid we didn't

have enough time to arrange anything special, but these are from our hearts." Shyly smiling she stepped back into the group as everyone applauded.

Rodney stood in the centre of his friends. His heart was so full he had trouble, for once, expressing how he felt. The look on his face managed to convey what he felt as he nodded to Elizabeth and smiled at them all.

He carefully uncovered the small gift in his hand to find a delicate glass paperweight. "Thank you Elizabeth. I will treasure it along with the memory of this evening." He looked around at his friends, then back at Weir and asked her quizzically, "Might this be a subtle hint to keep my reports to you up-to-date?"

"Well Rodney, it will hopefully be a reminder for you" she said with a large smile.

"Here Rodney, catch!" Sheppard tossed his gift before they all started getting too sentimental.

Rodney ducked instinctively when something whizzed towards his head, but Zelenka neatly fielded the rectangular wrapped object.

"Good hands Dr Z" approved Sheppard.

Zelenka smiled and ceremoniously handed the gift to Rodney.

"It's the ice hockey play offs" Sheppard stated when the gift was opened. One of my buddies recorded it for me and sent it the last time we got mail from the Daedelus.

Teyla's gift was an Athosian meditation candle, while Ronon's gift was an offer to teach Rodney some defensive moves, and he promised to be really gentle - or as gentle as it was possible for Ronon to be. Rodney's grin was a bit strained with that gift.

Beckett handed his gift next and Rodney noticed that it gurgled. He shot a suspicious look at Beckett thinking that he'd been given a tonic or something, but when he uncovered the bottle it was a 20 year old Scotch.

"Carson! I'm sure you were saving this for a special occasion." Rodney exclaimed.

"Aye I was. This is a very special occasion." Beckett beamed at his friend as Rodney patted him on the shoulder affectionately.

"Okay Dr Z roll it out!" Sheppard called as Zelenka approached from an alcove that had been hiding something large.

Rodney watched a large object, disguised by a box and so that it's shape was questionable, rolling towards him from behind Zelenka who held some sort of remote. It had a big red bow on top.

Zelenka brought the thing to a halt in front of Rodney who just stood and stared for a moment trying to figure it out.

"Just lift the box off" Zelenka said encouragingly.

"What have you got in there Radek?" Rodney asked cautiously wondering if it was booby-trapped. His friends were still standing nearby and obviously knew what was in the box, so he felt safe enough to approach it.

"K9!! You made me my own K9" Rodney exclaimed with delight as the familiar shape emerged from under the raised box. He went down on his knee to examine it closely.

"Yes master? What is it that you require?" it asked.

"Radek, you even managed to get the voice right!" Rodney looked up at Zelenka where he stood smiling with pleasure at the impact of his gift.

"It's real neat Rodney. You can use the remote to send it anywhere. Dr Z has programmed a map of Atlantis into its memory and it can go to the control room, or lab or wherever you want." Sheppard was quite enthusiastic. "It can even carry things in the storage space. Dr Z has a spot with a heater for your coffee."

Sheppard looked around and saw bewilderment on the faces of Teyla and Ronon. "It's something from an earth television show called Dr Who." He explained, but it didn't decrease the puzzlement.

With a smile, Rodney patted Zelenka on the shoulder. Radek returned the gesture, they then awkwardly shook hands and nodded to each other.

"Okay everyone, I think it is time we all get some shuteye." Elizabeth made the call. "I know I for one would appreciate some peace and quiet after today."

She turned to Zelenka, only half serious, "You did a great job pulling this all together, but next time you want to overturn this base make sure I'm on leave first."

"Me too!" agreed Sheppard as he, Teyla, Ronon, Beckett and Weir said their goodnights to Rodney before departing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve**

Rodney looked around the room, with his small lopsided smile that indicated happiness, before turning again to Zelenka and his new toy.

"It is really fantastic Radek! You will have to show me how it works, what it can do."

"It can do many functions, I have done extensive programming." Radek said proudly. Then with a sly smile he added, "I will show you what can be done if you would remove that program from my computer."

Rodney smiled back, "I don't think so Radek" his smile broadened, "I enjoy your swearing too much". He savoured the moment before continuing. "I'm even learning how to curse in Czech…Fluently"

"Ah but can you read programming in Czech?" Zelenka asked innocently.

"You didn't… I should have known…" Rodney said narrowing his eyes. "You programmed my K9 in Czech!"

"Yes, but I do have a code that will transfer it into English – or Canadian – once you have deleted your program."

"Oh all right, but it hasn't cycled through all the Star Trek quotes yet, there are still thousands more."

"Then why does it constantly tell me to 'Live long and prosper' every time I use the End key?

"Because it's the end."

"One day I will perhaps understand your humour Rodney, but only if I am hanging upside down, while looking in a mirror."

Sheppard poked his head around the door "Hey Rodney, can I come and play with your K9 tomorrow? Dr Z wouldn't let me do much more than a short test-drive today." He grinned at them both. Then flipping a hand goodbye he disappeared. His voice wafted back "Did you ask him about the t-shirt, Dr Z?"

"Yes, yes." Zelenka was reminded. "This t-shirt I am wearing Rodney, what does it mean?" he asked as he offered the remote to his friend. "No matter where I go they look at the shirt and then they smile at me, sometimes they laugh." He said puzzled.

"It is just such a great t-shirt Radek" Rodney said smugly as he took the remote and started to direct K9 out of the room.

"Major Sheppard asked me where I got the shirt when he first saw it." Zelenka persisted. "When I told him you gave it to me he said 'that explains it'."

"Never listen to John, he's got no sense of style." Rodney offered the advice. "Just look at his hair."

"No, he pointed to the words on the front. This is puzzling, as I have looked them up. All I get is recipes. How is FIG JAM humorous?"

"One day, when I have forgotten that I was rudely awoken by my own voice, I will explain it to you."

Zelenka shrugged trying to put a good spin on his tampering with Rodney's alarm. "Ah, I thought it would be something for you to enjoy. It is your birthday today. What better present could I give you?"

"This is the best present anyone could have given me" Rodney appeared to forgive the practical joke. He smiled as he patted K9.

"You are welcome Master."

Besides, he thought, Radek had been wearing the t-shirt all day, and everyone had seen him at the party. That should be revenge enough, though it meant he owed Wombat, the Aussie guy, a favour for giving him the shirt. Still, it was well worth it.

Maybe he would tell Zelenka what it means tomorrow.

Maybe…

The End

P.S. FIG JAM seems to be an Aussie idiom. It stands for F..k I'm Good Just Ask Me


End file.
